what I needed, yet not what I needed. hmph.

After spending last night thinking about my mom, and then thinking about why I was thinking about my mom (I so overthink things. just live and try to be happy, dear girl, stop examining everything!) I woke up this morning and got a nice run in. a medium length run was just what I needed to ensure that I had not set myself back from *gasp* taking over a week off. yeah. I was fine. they repaved the bike path that I usually run on at KMP so that it now no longer goes up, but rather goes around, the killer hill. whaaaaat? I liked that hill! they didn't consult ME before doing this! grrr. this also made the path a bit longer, I assumed, because my splits were all wacky.

so as i'm pouncing down the trail, being all happy, enjoying going at a decent pace and being happy that I can run again, I pass a man, who can only be described as distinguishedly handsome. and I recognized him immediately. because who doesn't recognize the surgeon that killed your mother? ok. that's being waaaaay overdramatic. sorry. I actually really, really, really like him. and he didn't kill her. he provided care to her - the best possible, I am convinced - and the worst of all possible circumstances arose which ultimately led to the demise of her health, and thus her death. there, that's a bit more diplomatic. I came thisclose to turning around and running after him to say hello, because there are so many things I want to say to this man. My mother trusted him, which is something that cannot be said about any of her other physicians, and I have yet to thank him for all that he did not just for her, but also for our family. WE trusted him. because he geniunely cared about what we were going through, and about how we were handling things. I told the-ex, multiple times, that he and all doctors should strive to be the surgeon/physician that this man is. He saw the countless hours that I spent at the hospital, holding my mom's hand. He explained everything to me in so much detail that I felt like I was practically part of the medical profession by the time she died. He told me, honestly, that he didn't know if she would come off the vent, and promised me that the minute he was certain that she would not, he would let me know... because he had been through the same thing with his own mother going through cancer, and he knew what we were going through. He cried with us when he told us that we needed to let her go, and told us all exactly what we were all thinking, that there's just one thing to describe it... "it really, really just sucks." (yes, he actually said that, after we had been saying that exact same thing to each other all morning). He didn't just shake my hand, as he did to the others in my family, he actually embraced me when we were parting after the final decision had been made. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, hold this man responsible for my mom's death. In fact, I want to thank him profusely. She knew that with him she was receiving the best care she possibly could have, and that gave her and us the strength and courage to proceed during those weeks knowing that we had done the right thing. there were no "what if?"s.

I so wasn't going to chase him down and tell him all of this, though. because he is distinguished and handsome, and I have two black eyes. I'm sure that I'll see him out and about again. he lives in the next suburb over, and does triathlons (how cool is that? his Dr. McDreamy factor soooo went up when I learned that) so he will probably be out on the path in the future. but it occurred to me that some one really is wanting me to be thinking about my mom these days. good. grief.

the run was good, about 8.5 in just under 9 pace. I saw sunshine somewhere around mile 4 and waved for like 5 minutes before she finally saw me. :) oh, and I saw the dumbest woman alive. sunshine had told me about her, but I was still shocked when I saw this spectacle. a woman actually powerwalks the path with one of those baby carriers strapped to the front of her. except instead of a baby in the baby carrier? yeah. an itty bitty dog. seriously. and you think a girl running in a skirt looks silly...