can't we all just get along?

this has nothing to do with running and everything to do with my personal life. and it will be long. so if you don't like general girly bitching about stupid shit, stop reading and move along.

i'm not gonna lie - there are often times when I tend to get highly irritable. sometimes it's toward people, whether it's toward my family or my friends or my boyfriend, and sometimes it's just the result of a set of circumstances. my ex used to call me "[his] little malcontent". said irritability always tends to come for a reason, and it bugs the shit out of me until I can pinpoint the cause. and I have this thing where I don't really like discussing it until I really get to the root of what's bothering me. all of this is relevant, I swear it is.

last week, I was highly irritable. toward him. and I didn't get why at first so I was generally irritable and grumpy and difficult to deal with for a few days and then once I thought about it for a while everything became clearer to me and I was finally able to figure out what was really bothering me. unfortunately it was a case of the most terrible timing ever because he was away with friends for the weekend.

I knew that my irritability was unsettling for him, so I sent him a text message on Friday saying that everything was clearer to me. I summarized the issue as I saw it and suggested that we discuss it when he got home on Sunday, and told him to go have fun with his friends. he was having none of this "let's talk about it when you get home" stuff, and took some time away from his friends (and suggested that he would meet up with them later) on Friday evening to talk to me about what was bothering me. while this wasn't necessary, it really, really meant a lot to me, and speaks volumes toward what type of person he is, that my happiness (or lack thereof) is so important to him and affects him so greatly. we spoke about what was bothering me and we discussed how we could prevent this from happening in the future and he even took time to chat affectionately with me for a bit before I suggested that he should go back to his friends.

the whole conversation took approximately an hour and 15 minutes or so, he was probably away from the group for two hours total by the time he got directions and arrived to where they were are. and let's face it... how many of you people manage to resolve issues and make up in two hours? no, he didn't have to take time away from his friends to do it RIGHT THEN. but he did. and that's one of the amazing things about him.

evidently, his absence didn't bode well with a few of the boys. because I guess the 11 other guys there weren't amusing enough, and those two hours that my boyfriend stole away from the group (out of a three day long bachelor party, mind you) were CRUCIAL to their happiness and wellbeing. the FOUR HOURS of drinking time that they had with him once he arrived totally wasn't enough to satiate their desire to be with him, I guess. THAT'S HOW AWESOME HE IS, PEOPLE.

so now I am sure that I am known as the over-domineering, selfish girlfriend who can't let her boyfriend go out and have a good time with the guys without having to call and pester him. and let me tell you, I think this is AWESOME. see, I've spent the last 8 years being friends and getting along with my boyfriends' friends. hell, I keep in touch with and visit my ex's friends more frequently than he does. but if I had only known how much fun it is to be known as the total frigid bitch... man. NOW I KNOW WHAT I WAS MISSING OUT ON!

my issue falls not with the group, but with a certain individual or two who seemed to be rather... critical of josh's decision to take time away to talk with me. I won't speak about this individual's relationship with their own overly-domineering wife, or anything, but let's just say that I didn't really think he had any right to speak on the subject. but I guess the real kicker came when said individual suggested that it is "impossible to fix things over the phone anyways, so there's no real point." hmm. interesting. evidently in his world the ability to verbally communicate in an effective manner is nonexistent and thus does not contribute to resolving issues. he must have some crazy sign language thing that he pulls out when he and his wife fight.

anyways, I found it kind of insulting that he would suggest that communication over the phone isn't a valid way of solving problems. because, to be honest, our relationship was built pretty much solely on telephone and IM conversations. I think that josh and I both happen to be extremely effective communicators (something that is a rarity in men) and respect and love each other enough to put the time and effort into making sure that we communicate with each other when we feel that issues are arising. it's what makes us work. and for him to just flippantly dismiss that? well, let's just say that said individual has landed squarely on my "list". for him to be telling us "how it is" with our relationship is insulting. it's rude. and it's intolerable, if you ask me.

I'm not that particularly bothered by the whole ordeal because as the OOSG said, who the fuck cares whether or not everyone likes me? and don't get me wrong - I respect and like almost all of Josh's friends. I think they are genuinely great people. but it's a shame that one individual can leave such a lasting impression. ["I hold grudges. it's what I do."]

so I guess my point of this really long post is to ask how others manage to get along with their spouse's/significant other's friends that they may not... well, really like at all. I don't want josh's friendship with this individual affected by my negative impression of him (although I will admit that I suggested that if we never see him and his wife again, I won't exactly complain). but I also feel that people don't automatically have a right of friendship - they have to earn my respect and show respect toward me to be considered a friend. this individual clearly hasn't mastered this art. how should I act toward this individual when I see him in the future? [or rather, how do I hide my distaste? :) ]

man, and I always thought that being the pain-in-the-ass, bitch of a girlfriend would be easy. MAN DID I UNDERESTIMATE.