Now that I've eaten a pile of cookies today...

So I was having a conversation with Dice a while ago when we were training for the Illinois Marathon about how if I actually paid attention to my nutrition, I really feel like I could probably shave a pretty decent amount of time off of my PR.

See, I have this problem. That problem is that I like to eat cookies. Well, really anything with sugar in it. And beer. I like that, too. And pasta. And carby stuff in general. I heart me some carbs. But I noticed while I was carb loading for the aforementioned marathon that the more refined carbs I ate, the more I felt tired and sluggish and generally just plain crappy. This tends to be a problem because with training you tend to create a rather decent calorie deficit, and I like to make up for the deficit by eating things like Joe-Joe's or ice cream. In mass quantities. And then I physically feel like crap. I told MoMo over my birthday weekend that I was vowing to actually pay attention to what I ate to see how it affected my performance, and that didn't really happen. (insert surprised face here)

I started really paying attention to what I was eating the first few weeks after the marathon and was really focusing on NOT filling my calorie deficit void with sugar and quickly digesting carbs, but instead focused on eating lots of GOOD foods. Now, that doesn't mean I wasn't eating carbs. I love me some steel-cut oats, and I'm not sure that I can go without them for any steady period of time. But I was focusing on making sure my carbs were coming from whole grains and fruits and veggies, and that I was getting a ton of good fats and lean proteins and, well, generally pretty much everything my doctor tells me I should be eating when I go in to see her.

You know what? I felt AWESOME for those two weeks. I recovered from the marathon fairly quickly, I was able to jump back into doing decent effort workouts right away, I didn't feel tired and sluggish like I was feeling while I was carb loading, and I was eating a TON of food every day. Like, literally bringing a big bag of food to work every single day. And then last week my week was all thrown off by a conference and the illness (I always want comfort food when I'm ill and conference food is notoriously evil) and this week we've had meals provided for us that were less than stellar on the healthy scale. Last week I had a muffin for breakfast one morning at the conference and by the middle of the morning I thought I was going to pass out, I needed a nap so bad. Clearly I am insanely sensitive to white starchy carbs or something, because I hadn't felt that tired in weeks.

I am working on a variety of things with my therapist, and at the top of that list is being more mindful of what is happening on a day-to-day basis. This didn't stem from my eating at all, but came from other areas of my life where I'm trying to improve some things, but I realized that it applies to pretty much everything I do. I'll walk by a plate of cookies in the breakroom and grab 2 or 3 of them without even really paying attention to what I'm doing or to how those are going to make me feel in an hour, or in three hours when I have to go run intervals.

I am just about in the same shape, weight, size, etc. that I was a few years ago when I was running pretty strongly, so I'm less concerned about the vanity aspect of things, and am more pleased that I'm back to feeling "in shape" and strong again. But I also know that when I got my marathon PR I was just a tad bit lighter, and I'm wondering if that's what it's going to take to get me under that 4 hour mark. Dragging an extra 5 or 10 pounds for 26.2 miles can really take it's toll after a while. But I also don't want to have to worry about "losing weight" while I'm training. I want to focus on being healthier, and having a higher fitness level, and just overall making sure that the things I'm doing are going to contribute positively toward my running goals. I want to work on eating intuitively and making good choices that will optimally fuel my body for the workouts that I'm putting it through.

So that's what May is going to be about. Finding a good balance between fueling myself well and not feeling like I'm depriving myself. And it's about letting myself have a cookie (or a beer. or a margarita) if I really want one, damnit! But also about realizing that eating/drinking 5 of them is PROBABLY going to make me feel not-so-hot later. Hopefully by the time training REALLY starts, I'll have it all figured out!